DAY 39 - LIGHTS ON

Some people are lucky enough to know what is it that they want to do in life. Some people end up doing something very different from what they actually want to do. But all of us are at some point in time given a chance -to choose between what we really want to do in life (our calling) and what we are supposed to and expected to do in life

My moment came when I had to decide between following a path that I had been walking successfully for more than a decade and a path that was absolutely narrow and new.

I have wanted to be many things in life starting from a ticket collector, ice cream vendor, chocolate maker, doll house owner, farmer, doctor, pilot and what not. And when the time came I realized my calling was to be a writer.

And so I spent 15 years being one. But all those years there was a hole in my soul –as if this was not what I was meant to do, you know, not my calling exactly.

But I plodded on. Then after many years I developed the guts to quit my day joy and plunge head-on into filmmaking, because I thought that was my calling, though my heart was not supporting my claim.

For many years I made films. But deep inside me I knew this was not `IT’.

I said to myself, “Sudha, you better stick to this. You have told the whole world that this is your calling and now you cannot back track. Moreover, if you haven’t found your calling till now you are not going to find it ever. It’s already too late. You are not a 20 something who can experiment with life and get away with it. This is it. Stick to it.”

Then dawned the day when I found my true calling. The one thing that I was meant to do. The one thing that filled the hole in my soul. And the one thing that my heart and Inner Being wholly approved of.

I felt it in my gut and I knew it in the deepest parts of my brain. Heart soared to the highest peak and remained there only to get ready to fly even further every time I picked up my camera. My inner being said, THIS IS IT.

But then I was at the cross road. Do you take the road well-know to you or the one that is absolutely unknown?

You take the unknown road you either walk into your final destination or perish half way through trying to make it.
You take the well-known path you will reach your destination, but you will always wonder about the missed road.

So there I was at the cross road asking myself: Isn’t it too late in life to start from scratch? Is it wise to throw years of one’s life, experiences, successes, a career built with care to follow your heart – wouldn’t it be a waste of half of my life?

And the inner being said why should it be a waste? All those years were meant to happen –it was preparing you for this precise moment. The moment that has arrived, not a minute early or late, but just right.

And so, I chose the narrow path. And what a journey it has been so far –amazing! If I perish before reaching my destination I will do so with a smile on my face.

I still write and make films. But with greater joy and greater appreciation of the craft. Because I know that’s what led me to my true calling.