DAY 59 - A SUNSET A DAY

No two sunsets are the same.

I photographed sunsets regularly for a week. And it was different every single time.

And it was breathtakingly beautiful every single time.

You tell yourself that it cannot get anymore mesmerizing or beautiful, but you are promptly surprised the next day. It gets even more beautiful. And it is completely different from what it was the previous evening.

The colors are different. The clouds are different. The formation is different. Everything is different. The only thing that is constant is the beauty of it all.

And to think this is my legacy -this is a part of my world; and this is a part of who I am and what I can be is difficult to digest. But when you get it you are on your way to building your own little Garden of Eden on Earth. Life takes a 360 degree turn. And each day you surprise yourself of your own abilities.

If the sky can produce amazing and different visuals 365 days so can I. Because I am cut from the same cloth. I am from the same source that creates that sunset. I am made of the same energy. It shouldn't be difficult at all. The only difference is that the sky doesn't doubt its ability to paint a different picture every day. I do.

DAY 58 - THE STORY OF BEAUTY

I shot this pic last evening when I was waiting for the traffic signal to turn green. A bunch of golden leaves drenched in the warm glow of an evening sun. It was pretty crowded in that huge tree full of dark leaves and menacing branches. Very easy to get lost in a crowd. Yet this bunch stood out. They weren't doing much to attract attention other than just being themselves, yet they glittered like jewels.

I like this picture immensely. And there is no story attached to it other than the fact that it is a beautiful picture and when I look at it puts a smile on my face.It makes me happy.

Sometimes somethings impact you more than the others by just being! Being themselves. Reveling in the creation that they are. Such was the case with these leaves. They were simply beautiful to my eyes.

Such is the case with many people in my life. I have a friend a famous plastic surgeon. I find her beautiful. She puts a smile on my face -by simply being!

I keep getting drawn to her well-manicured hands and feet -oh they are absolutely gorgeous (no I don't have a feet fetish). I feel she has the most beautiful khol-rimmed, almond shaped eyes. They are mesmerizing. And her voice -oh it is to die for. Not the soft, lullaby invoking voice. But a deep, rich, velvety voice.

I find her extremely articulate. And she is always impeccably and beautifully dressed. Yes, to me she is a great beauty.

She is beautiful by simply being herself. She does what comes naturally to her, what she is passionate about, what she believes in. She revels in her life. And that automatically gives her a sheen which attracts people.

I really have to look hard and only then her scarred face comes into focus. For the scars are blurred by her beauty.

A fire accident, when she was a 10 year old child, left her face completely disfigured. The fire dissolved her nose, cheeks, chin, ears, forehead and neck into a mass of flesh. They had to reconstruct her face completely.

And the tell-tale signs of that accident is there only for those who want to see it.

Otherwise you will only see her beautiful face.

DAY 57 -TWO LITTLE FRIENDS

It was an adorable image. These two boys must've been, I don't know, anywhere between 4-6 years of age. Their combined height must've been 4'.

They were having a good time. I have no idea whether the tot in red shorts knows how to ride a bicycle, but he seemed to be teaching the other cutie. They were friends.

When you are young you make friends, which remains the purest of all bonds in your life. You fight with each other. You scream at each other. You beat each other up. You hug. You love. You kiss and makeup. But you do all this with absolute passion and complete devotion to each other. There are no secrets between you in your six year old life. You tell each other everything. You don't judge. You don't even know what it means. We all have at least one such friend from our childhood.

At that age your friend is just an extension of you.

I still remember my best friend at six. She was a year older to me. She was a daughter of a small time actress who was trying to make it big in the film world. We studied in the same school and class. And she was my neighbor.

Since her mother was trying to make a career in films, it left her with little time at home. So my friend was left in the care of some not-so-good people, but whom the mother trusted implicitly. So my friend spent a lot of time at my place. She loved my mom and so did my mom.

We were thick as thieves. We cared deeply for each other, whatever that means at that age. She would fight anyone for me. And I would do anything for her. We would exchange pencil boxes, ribbons, hair clips and plastic bangles every few days as a mark of our friendship.It was a case of whatever I had was hers and vice versa. There was always an extra place mat for her on the dining table in my house.

She would come home in the morning, have breakfast with me. Mom would plait her hair just like mine. And she would sit there and watch mom dress me up, you know, do my hair, tie my shoe laces etc etc -(yeah, i was a bit spoilt that way). Though I didn't understand much I would sense sadness in my friend, I would play joker at that moment and she would laugh.

She was a beautiful child, I mean physically, she was beautiful. Even grown men would stop and stare at her. And she hated films.

Soon we shifted to another house. It was a 45 mt walk from my old house. My friend was heartbroken. But mom consoled her saying that she could come spend time during weekends. Dad would pick her up from her house and bring her to mine on Friday night and would drop her back on Sunday night. For two days we would play, eat, sleep and do everything together.

One wednesday night, we were woken up from our deep slumber. Somebody was banging on the door.It was well past 12 O'clock. When dad opened the door, it was my little friend standing outside -all frightened and weeping.

My parents were shell-shocked. But I was happy to see my friend.

Apparently, my friend's mother had gone for a film shooting and she was left in the care of the house-help -two young men and a woman brought from Kerala. They got drunk and their antics scared my little friend. So she walked, for 45 mts in the middle of night, to reach my house because she was afraid that if she stayed at her place something "bad" might happen to her. She wept profusely and so did my mom. She begged my parents not to call her mom or inform her house. Only after my parents promised her did she sleep.

Of course my parents had no intention of keeping their promise. The next morning, we were so happy, because we thought we were going to be together, in the same house, forever. But soon my friend's mother arrived with her boyfriend (who was a wonderful gentleman). My parents and my friend's folks had a long discussion. I don't know what happened, but I think my parents threatened to go to the cops unless something was done to ensure the child's safety.

It was decided that my friend would be sent back to kerala to her biological father and siblings, whom the mother had left behind to pursue a career in films. It was the best decision. But at that point of time, both of us hated our parents. It would mean that we would be separated.

I wept, she wept. My friend was packed off to Kerala the same evening. We promised to write to each other and we said that we will always be together. We were too young and naive.

We never saw each other again. Our paths never crossed. I don't know where she is now.

But I know it in my bones that she thinks of me as often as I think of her.

Some childhood friendships are meant to last forever, even when you don't meet your friend ever again after your childhood years.

DAY 56 -THE BIRD THAT FLIES

When you do what you love the most, what you feel you are meant to do in life, then the end result is undoubtedly something that you are happy about; something that you are proud of. It would be beautiful and successful.

And like all things beautiful it would bring joy to others too. Soon appreciation follows. On its heels follows expectations.

It's less of what others expect of you and more of what you think others expect of you.

If you are going to go down that road then soon everything begins to unravel.

Now, you do what you love doing with a lot less love.

You do it because you want to please all those people out there who you think are expecting more of you. And everyday you try to do better than the previous day, because you think people expect you to be better than the previous day.

Before long you will find that you no longer enjoy doing what you love doing the most. It does not give you joy but plenty of ulcers.

And all because you dropped the ball!

This eagle (I presume it is an eagle) in the photograph flies solo in the skies near my house.

As I watch him he just flies and flies and flies, in circles, he goes up and up and up -he goes so high that he becomes a dot in the sky.

Then he retraces his path all the way down, rests for a wee bit on a tree branch and starts doing his thing all over again.

He starts pretty early, keeps at it right through the noon sun and during the golden hours before he flies away home. And the next day he starts all over again.

I realized that he just revels in his flying. That's what he was born to do. So he flies with not a care in the world and purely for his own pleasure.

He does not care whether the sky is a plain boring blue or a vivid blue with fluffy white clouds.

He does not care whether the other birds think that he's flying better today than yesterday. All he cares about his doing what he loves doing, day in and day out with utmost joy.

For a bird with five senses he does not drop the ball till the end, when compared to humans with six senses who drop it mid-way most of the time.

DAY 55 - MAN AND HIS RED BOOTS

In my wonderful life as a journalist/writer/filmmaker I have come across interesting people from all walks of life. I have encountered the quirkiest of quirks. My experiences have taught me to embrace diversity in all its form and color, which in turn makes my life absolutely enriching. So nothing fazes me.

But when I met this young man (in the picture) I was speechless for a moment. Just a tad :)

It's not everyday that you encounter a young man in skinny jeans, leopard print tank top and any-girl-would-kill-for-sky-high-heeled red boots.

But that's not what made me stop in my tracks. What did the trick was his confidence. He was absolutely comfortable in his own skin and with who he was and what he was. He reveled in his persona.

In this world filled with prejudices it must have taken him a long time and an arduous walk on fire to reach where he is now -but now that he is here, he is nothing but a joy to watch.

What I saw was not a screaming-in-your-face-superficial confidence, but a quite one, an assured one -one that was going to stay with him till the end.

Sometimes, when I do things or behave in a certain manner or pursue certain activities which does not conform to society it makes me a little self-conscious doing it. I am plagued with self-doubt and some more. In the end I might end up doing what I want because I believe in it, yet there is always that tinge of self-consciousness about it -what will others think or are they thinking something....

Here was this young man, courteous, soft spoken, well-mannered, good at his job, living his life just like anybody else. AND absolutely comfortable wearing the clothes that he wanted. Confident and comfortable to his true self. The rest of the world be damned!

How many of us can honestly say that we are true to who we are -the real us??? Not many I guess, because that takes extraordinary courage.

DAY 54

When you do what you love the most, then you expand your universe every day in ways that you thought might not be possible.

That's what my camera is helping me do. It's letting me push the envelope a little everyday, but with no stress or panic, instead it lets me enjoy the process.

I am a homebody, my friends can vouch for that. I love traveling, but I also love staying at home. The only time I love stepping out of the comfort of my house is when I am required to travel or go out to work or meet friends for lunch.

It is extremely difficult for me to be happy and eager about going to parties, shows or sometimes even impromptu dos with friends in the evening. I'd rather have a quite meal with friends at home than go out or curl up in my favourite couch and read a book or watch a movie.

My mother is always worried about my anti-social behavior. Yes, that's what she calls it.

However, these days I am eager to go around town with my camera. I enjoy going out,trying to put myself in the right place at the right time and light for that beautiful image to pick me.

I still dread going to parties. But if I am allowed to take my camera then I do so gladly.

Photography, the thing I love doing the most, is helping me push my boundaries a little every day making my life all the more richer.

This image is a collage of my day around town.

DAY 53 - FIRST LOVE

It was noon. The sun was blazing down melting anything and everything in its wake. But the adolescent boy standing in the corner of the street was oblivious. Love is not only blind but also heat-resistant, comes with its own sunblock.

How do I know the lad was in love and awaiting his love interest?

A young lad, all primped up and waiting nervously at an empty construction site in the middle of the day has only one thing on his mind :)

I smiled to myself as I noticed him.

The signals were all there - Every now and then he would peep into the lane ahead, seeing whether his lady love was making her way towards him.

He arranged and re-arranged his hairstyle a zillion times. Good he was young and had lots of hair on his head otherwise he could've combed himself bald. He was a bundle of love-nerves :)

And it was obvious that it was his first brush with love - unless he started very very young. You never know these days.

I don't know whether this first love will be his last (I doubt) and whether it will culminate at the altar (ha ha -joke!) and whether he will even be in the same town as his girl 10 years down the road (more likely not!)

But one thing is for sure - no matter what, no matter how his life pans out, no matter who he marries, how many children he has or how long he lives -as long as he lives he will not forget his first love.

Over time, memory might play truant and his first-love's face might blur out, but he will never forget the emotions, the wonderful feeling in the pit of his stomach, the way his heart swelled with love - his mind and body will never forget the sensations that is so unique to first love. Sensations and feelings never again to be duplicated in one's life.

You might go on to find your true soul mate in life, there will always be a special place in your heart for your first love (even if you have ceased loving your first love long time ago!)

It is something that is only yours

Something that will remain with you till you go to your grave. Something to remind you of your lovely youth, of a time of purity, innocence, fun, so-called-true-love and wonderful dreams.

DAY 52 - MY FRIEND GOLIATH-DAVID

When I was small I used to love going to the beach. And once in two months, my parents would take me to the Marina Beach in Chennai. It was a family ritual. I loved eating the thenga-manga-pattani-sundal, pink cotton candy, and a milky white ice-cream-on-a-stick called Pal-ice (milk ice-cream). Yes, I would eat all these one after the other and in that order ONLY!

And then for the next hour or so I would spend some happy time playing in the water, building sand-castles so on and so forth. I enjoyed the sea. I loved it.
Every time I looked at it, I would always wonder what was on the other side and I would want to go there....I was never afraid of the sea....it was my friend.

Then things began to change. I was growing older and learning new things -assimilation of information! Now when I looked at the massive amounts of water there was a tinge of fear in me. I was old enough to understand that I didn't know how to swim and that could be dangerous if I ever drown in the sea. I think the last time I went to the beach was when I was around 16. I clearly remember standing on the sea shore and looking at this world of water and feeling extremely small and helpless and fearful.

It is so strange, as a child I was instinctively much more in harmony with nature, attuned to its vibrations and unquestioningly accepted its love and protection. But as I grew up and became more knowledgeable about things I became more fearful...Irony of life :)

After that I don't remember enjoying the sea much. I became more of a river person. Though the river can be deceptively calm and treacherous under the surface, I felt more comfortable with the surface-calmness of a river than the visible turbulent waves of the sea.

It took me three decades to set my relationship with the sea in order.

Today, when I stand on the seashore and look at the beautiful sea, I can feel its power. I can sense how small I am when compared to its Goliath-and-David-combined-power, size and strength. In a jiffy it can engulf me if it wants to. But then it won't. Man is as safe as he can ever be in the lap of nature.

That is the beauty of nature - it knows how to live harmoniously with man. It knows its power and it knows to use it responsibly. It only goes berserk when we as humans go out of control.

Today, when I look at the sea, I am still small and the sea is still big, but today I feel like we are partners in the greater scheme of things. That will always be the relationship between man and nature.

DAY 51 - It's Okay to want something different

The other day I came across a statement that made an impact on me. It said:

This "underdeveloped" country is not inappropriate in any way. It has
different desires and different standards, and it is not lesser than -- it
is just different. We did not all come to do it the same way. We did not
all come to be alike. We came as a diverse bunch of people
wanting different experiences.

It's okay to think differently and see differently. And it is okay to be different tomorrow from what you are today. Now THAT is a reassuring thought. Sometimes I think consistency and routine limits you in certain aspects of your life.

There are some images that I feel are just right when they come out of the camera that I hardly do any post-production/photoshop work on them. The maximum I would do is color correct it (even the stalwarts did it :)

Then there are some images that I see very differently from what they actually are and I'd itch to turn them on its head. Yet I wouldn't go down that road simply because I thought that I was not doing the right thing as a photographer by projecting something different from reality.

That's not how the pioneers did it or so I thought. And if I did it I wouldn't be a photographer worth my salt.

Yet, I would keep seeing the image very differently in my head. And sometimes after silencing the voices in my head I would sit down and turn the image on its head. And the end result would make me happy.

And when you are THAT happy whatever you are doing can't be wrong. :)

Now I have made peace with it.

I say to myself, it is okay to be different and it is okay to see things differently from what others see. I just want different experiences in life.

This image is that of a flower bud. But the minute I saw it through my viewfinder I knew I wasn't seeing a flower bud but something else....something entirely different....it's okay I guess :)

DAY 50 -THE ONE LEGGED DANCER

The first time I saw this young man was a few years back when he was a teenager.

I was sitting in my balcony and looking at the skies trying to find some answers to some nagging questions. I was not in a good place in my life at that time.

There used to be a vacant plot near my house and the children used it as a playground.

And there was a group of boys playing cricket. Nothing unusual about it other than the boy at the crease was a one-legged batsman.

The boys were all inmates of APSA, an organization that rescues and cares for abandoned and abused children.

The boy and his friends were engrossed in their game. The boy was confident in his stride and his strokes. His friends made no allowance because he was missing a leg. They played hard, fought hard and laughed hard. And for the next one hour I just sat there watching these boys.

These little boys must have been through so much more in life than I did in my entire life, yet they laughed so easily and genuinely.

There was no self-pity. There was no loathing. There was just the process of living life.

It is the same boy in this image, now all grown up.

What was even more amazing now was that he's become a fabulous dancer. The boys have formed a dance troupe and perform at various corporate shows and for social causes.

They are all employed but make it a point to gather at the APSA home often, to practice their dance moves, lean on each other and learn from each other.

The lad's friends still don't make any allowance for him. The young man himself does not make any allowance for himself because he is one-legged.

He strides confidently as he did many years ago. He is one of their lead dancers. He moves through all the difficult dance steps as effortlessly as his two-legged friends in the group. They too expect him to make the cut and nothing less.

This picture was taken while they were rehearsing. I initially wanted to put up just one pic, but then it did not do justice to the boy. These images still don't do justice to his talent or his grit. You have to see him dance to believe it.

And I have had the privilege of watching him dance. Breathtaking!

DAY 49 -Imagination vs observation

To many this might be an abstract parallel that I am drawing between the image and the story.

But to me its meaning is crystal clear. Though it took me three decades to attain that clarity.

And it is all summarized in a passage in a book that started it all:

In order for things to change you have to see them as you want them to be rather than continuing to observe them as they are.

In order to effect true positive change in your experience, you must disregard how things are - as well as how others are seeing you- and give more of your attention to the way you prefer things to be.

Therein lies the key to change - from sickness to wellness, lack of abundance to abundance, confusion to clarity.

This image is a little dot in the vast expanse of Shankaraa Foundation in Bangalore. But if you go there you might not see this instead you might see something entirely different i.e if you allow yourself to see it differently.

This is how I saw that lil speck of space in the entire scheme of things.

DAY 48 -BYGONE SCENE

I like this quirky picture immensely.

It appeals to me at many levels.

It reminds me of a sleepy little town in an old Western film, where there is an underlying current of danger or something waiting to happen; of strong childhood bonds and friendships; of lazy days spent dreaming big dreams; of tolerated todays because the dazzling tomorrows are just around the corner.

It's those three out-of-focus friends in the pic that triggered off memories of my own childhood friends.

It's so strange how you grow up with someone and you think of them as your kindred soul. There are no secrets between you and your best friends. Then life takes you on different paths. After many years when your paths cross again you realize that some of your best friends from childhood have become absolute strangers, while with some it's as if time has stood still and you take off from where you left off.

But the strangest of all is that you actually forge strong bonds with someone from your childhood whom you loathed or were never friends to begin with.

Human relations are so complex and such fun to unravel!

DAY 47 - PORTRAITURE IN THE SKY

This image was pure fun.

You might think it's one bird x 3.

I would've thought so too.

But it is not so. They are actually 3 different birds, occupying the same spot at different times.

I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference for I am not an ornithologist if I hadn't been on the spot when the birds flew in and out one after the other.

(I have written about this cable wire and birds in one of my earlier posts)

They are so alike yet so different. On the surface they look alike, but if you look carefully you will see they are different, they have different shades of green and red and they are differently shaped - the difference is subtle, yet it is there.

When I saw them I truly believed in the statement that I once heard

"Each one is unique. Once you are made the mold is broken. So there is always one and only one of you. So what you have to offer to this world is also unique and only you can offer that." And I remember the question that followed the statement - "So, what is it that you have to offer?"

Now, that is awesome! (Though I am still trying to figure out my `offering') :)

DAY 46 - GOING BACK TO THE ROOTS

When I first began taking photographs the moment an image caught my attention I would pull out my camera and shoot.

I wasn't bothered too much about the technicalities of it. I didn't stop to think whether I had the right lens or the right camera (i had a point and shoot) to capture the image or whether I was at the right distance to capture it.

I would just shoot because I wanted to. Taking photos made me happy.

I guess I would be drawn to an image in the first place either because the light was so magical or the emotional appeal of the image was too strong or because the image was so captivating at various levels. But all this happened at a subconscious level.

I never gave it much thought. My brain wasn't involved in the process of taking pictures in those initial years. It was just my gut!

The results were wonderful to say the least.

As I grew as a photographer so did my technical knowledge AND worries. Now when an image unfolded before me I began to think about whether I had the right lens to shoot it or the right gear or whether the light was perfect, or whether all the compositional elements in place etc...I still got good images, but I was missing out on many more. By the time I made a decision the moment would've passed.

This image put me back on track - i think.

As I was rushing out on an errand (minus my camera) I realized that the elevator was not working in my apartment. So I had to take the stairs. That's when I came across this image. There is a supposed lake, but now a swamp on one side of my apartment building. It is a beautiful place where we gets lots of birds. In the middle is this tree with a lot of character and on many birds perched on it. It is a sight to behold!

I have seen this picture many times in the recent past - but I would always let it pass because I told my self my 300mm wasn't enough to get me a clear picture. And I would be sad that I didn't have the right gear.

This time around as I stopped for a minute to take in the image something in me snapped.

I thought, what the heck, those initial days when I didn't know a thing about the technicalities of taking a picture or about photographic gear all I was bothered was taking pictures. AND I WOULD'VE JUST GONE AHEAD AND TAKEN THIS PICTURE EVEN WITH MY POINT AND SHOOT.

I turned around, ran back into the house, grabbed my camera and went out and clicked this pic with my limited 300mm.

Well, the pic might not make it to even one of our local photographic magazines but who cares, ten years down the line, when I look at this image I would be reminded of that glorious 5 mts of beautiful nature.

This image will be important because it took me back to my photographic-roots -the beginning!

It's nice visit the roots every now and then to remember what is important.

DAY 45 - CONTRASTS OF LIFE

In order to know what you want in life you should know what you don't want.

Ten out of ten times we all know what we don't want. We are very clear about it.

Then shouldn't be it simpler to just go out there and get what we want since we already know what we don't want?

If that is the case then we should all be very happy because we will always have whatever we want - simply because the minute we know what we don't want, we would rectify the situation and go get what we want. Once we have what we want then we are happy. (It might seem complicated but it is not)

But in the real world it doesn't happen that way.

We know what we don't want. But we still don't get what we want, simply because we don't do anything about it.

Today, I met many interesting women doing different things in life and expanding the Universe in their own way. Aruna Newton, the woman in the photograph, was one of them.

She is an Infosys employee and also the secretary of Electronics City Industries Association. And till date I didn't know that the Elevated Road/expressway (to be opened soon), connecting Electronic City to Silk Board junction in Bangalore (clearing major traffic hurdles) stemmed from this one woman doing something about what she wanted.

Everyday Aruna and scores of others working in Electronics City would undertake a long arduous commute to work. She realized that the quality of her life was suffering. In her own words, "When I left for work my children would be asleep and when I returned home from work they would have already gone to bed." Aruna knew she did not want to live this kind of life.

When she was telling her boss how difficult this commute was for all of them, he said, well then do something about it. And she did.

She gathered around 2000 women working in Electronic City and walked up to the Chief Minister's residence and presented their case. An elevated road/expressway at the cost of 450 crores was sanctioned.

Aruna added more work to her portfolio - she began monitoring the project, bringing together various bodies, ensuring that the traffic was not affected during the building of the road, liaised with various government bodies, traffic police and what not.

Her employers supported her but were very clear that she should be doing this work on her own time. The hurdles were many -but she crossed each one of them successfully. Today, the men who resented her for being a woman and stepping on their toes respect her.

One woman recognized what she didn't want in life, identified what she wanted and went out and got what she wanted. And that expanded her world and the Universe a little bit more.

Contrasts in life are not always bad, because they show us the way!

DAY 44 - UNSEEN BEAUTIES

For reasons unknown and numerous I have always been mesmerized by leaves.

I do love flowers, but I like leaves and barks of trees alike, if not more.

More often than not we are blindsided by the beauty of flowers and the magnificence of the leaves go unnoticed.

When I was young I would collect leaves and keep them in between the pages of my book. And after many months they would've dried only to reveal their intricate beauty.

No two leaves were ever the same and I would be dazzled by them.

And from the time I started clicking pictures, I have begun to see a different kind of beauty in these leaves. The color range, the shapes and sizes, the designs on them and how everything turns into a work of art in the sunlight.

Try holding a leaf against sun light and you will know what I mean. This picture of an almost dry leaf was taken in the evening. The vivid green and brown and yellow is nothing short of a kaleidoscopic-wonder-of-colors.

These unseen beauties have always inspired me. You look at them and you realize that you are actually living in a world that is breathtaking and you need more than a lifetime to experience it. But I am happy to drink in it as long as I can and whatever little I can.

DAY 43 - Tinkerbell

Tinkerbell. That's the word that came to my mind when I saw these onions and garlic made to sunbathe by my mom. It's got something to do with sunlight keeping these thingys fresh and free of worms.

I laughed aloud. Because these are onions, something that you eat and Tinkerbell is a fictional character, Peter Pan's friend, whose life depended on the faith of others.

Then why did I connect these onions and Tinkerbell?

There is also a parallel meaning to the word Tinkerbell : Anything, the existence or power of which depends on the faith of believers.

You see this image is a thumbnail of my joyful childhood.

Back in Chennai, the summers witnessed a strange ritual. The mothers would gather together and make pickles, pappads etc and these would be left out to dry in the sun.

And as children we would be on prowl in the afternoons when our mothers were resting. We would take (never thought of it as stealing) salted mango pickles and other such stuff and would climb onto the windowsill and trees and eat them. Forbidden fruit.

It was a democratic process - i would help my friends steal from our pickle jars and they would let me lift a few from theirs.

Along with the pickles my mother would also dry out onions and garlic. And invariably these would be left behind. Nobody wanted them. It was not fun eating raw onions and garlic.

And for some strange reason I always thought it was truly unfair to the onions and garlic. They were ignored and unwanted. Pretty sad. (Yeah, I know I was a weird child). So, I would grab a couple of onions and garlic and stuff it in my pocket.

Of course I would promptly forget about it, until the next day when mom would discover it while washing the clothes and there would be a dressing down.

It became a regular ritual. I hated the dressing down at that time. Now, it seems like a sweet memory. Memories of a joyful, innocent childhood.

I think a large part of our existence depends on memories - good, bad, in-between, past and present. And we believe in them, they remind us from where we came and where we are going. Above all they point out to the fact that we in fact made it -from there to here (wherever we are right now.

What will happen if we have no memories? If our lives are bereft of memories? What would happen to us?

We are like Tinkerbell... our power and existence depends on these memories, which shaped us and continues to shape us.

And no matter where I am when I see onions and garlic laid out to dry in the sun - I immediately go to a comfort zone of yore - a sweet place that always puts a smile on my face.

DAY 42 - TURNING FEARS INTO FANTASIES

For most part of my life I have lived with my head in the clouds - I still do.

So, it was the best advice that I could ever receive as a 10 year old - the nun's soft, ethereal sounding voice said, "Why do you fear? Fear is just an illusion."

"It is easy for you to say Sr. You are not the one getting nightmares about snakes and demons and of course the horrible English teacher (the latter I did not express)"

If I allow myself, I can still feel the warmth of the nun's smile when she said, "Okay, I'll teach you how to deal with your fears. This is what you should do. And knowing you it should come easy, since you spend most of your time in a fantasy land."

I pretended not to hear the last bit, since I was guilty. I had spent the maximum time in my fantasy land in her history class - it was so much fun to actually be there with Genghis Khan and Akbar in the war front (which is where I was at least in my head) than to actually study the history lesson.

Anyways, the nun continued, "Turn your fears into fantasies. Take what you fear or what you don't like and turn it into something that you would like. Put it in an environment that you love the best, color it, embellish it and do all that you could to make it look pretty and nice. Till it looks and feels like the fantasy that you would love to dive into. And soon you will laugh at yourself for having those fears. Because fear is an illusion –it is all in your mind. Your mind is a powerful tool. Remember that."

And I have.

That piece of advice has helped me deal with many fears.

Till date if there is something that I don’t like or fear, I turn it into a fantasy and let it remain there till I get comfortable with what I don’t like or fear and then deal with it.

So, when I saw this ant hill it reminded me of how I hated them once. It gave me the heebe- jeebes . Till I turned it into a fantasy and dealt with it. Those days I was not into photography –so fantasy-making happened in the head. This image is a remembrance of sort of those old days. My fantasies 

DAY 41 - EYES OF THE YOUNG

From the time I clicked this image I have found myself going back to it again and again.

What is it? What is it? I ask myself. To me there is something magnetic about this image.

Yet it is a very simple portrait of a young girl. A very straightforward photograph. No dazzling effects or intriguing compositions. No props. No nothing. It is head shot just like many others that I have taken. Yet, to me this image is compelling.

I think it is the eyes. But then what is it about the eyes? I do have some really great looking photographs with great looking eyes. What is it about this particular picture that draws me to it again and again.

There is sadness in those eyes. But I think what keeps drawing me to this picture is that teeny-weeny bit of determination/belief that things are going to get better in the future. And that dollop of curiosity about life itself. All three, which you find, tonnes of it, only in the young.

I only hope that she will hold on to it forever....

DAY 40 - Reflections

This image reiterates the fact that everyday you learn something new. Every day, if you allow yourself, you can surprise yourself. You will do things which you thought you might never be able to. You will discover new joys and have revelations and epiphany -but only if you allow yourself to.

And by allowing yourself to experiences of life you are also allowing yourself to be vulnerable. And as a race, humans don't like to be vulnerable. Because by doing so we are exposing ourselves to views and opinions, criticisms and differences, things that might not make us feel comfortable. Being vulnerable also means you are forced out of your comfort zone.

I have discovered that I experience something new only when I get out of my comfort zone. And every time I do that I am vulnerable. And my vulnerability exposes me to newer experiences in life and the joyous cycle goes on. And in the process I learn something new every day -about myself and the world around me.

Five years back if someone had said to me that I would be able to produce this image I would've laughed at them.

A week back if someone had asked me to produce an image like this, I would've shook my head in the negative and said, "Mmmm...I don't know....maybe some of it...but not sure about the rest of it..."

Today -I have my name on this image :)

As I said, the day I decided step out of my comfort zone was the day I began my long and adventurous journey of discoveries!

DAY 39 - LIGHTS ON

Some people are lucky enough to know what is it that they want to do in life. Some people end up doing something very different from what they actually want to do. But all of us are at some point in time given a chance -to choose between what we really want to do in life (our calling) and what we are supposed to and expected to do in life

My moment came when I had to decide between following a path that I had been walking successfully for more than a decade and a path that was absolutely narrow and new.

I have wanted to be many things in life starting from a ticket collector, ice cream vendor, chocolate maker, doll house owner, farmer, doctor, pilot and what not. And when the time came I realized my calling was to be a writer.

And so I spent 15 years being one. But all those years there was a hole in my soul –as if this was not what I was meant to do, you know, not my calling exactly.

But I plodded on. Then after many years I developed the guts to quit my day joy and plunge head-on into filmmaking, because I thought that was my calling, though my heart was not supporting my claim.

For many years I made films. But deep inside me I knew this was not `IT’.

I said to myself, “Sudha, you better stick to this. You have told the whole world that this is your calling and now you cannot back track. Moreover, if you haven’t found your calling till now you are not going to find it ever. It’s already too late. You are not a 20 something who can experiment with life and get away with it. This is it. Stick to it.”

Then dawned the day when I found my true calling. The one thing that I was meant to do. The one thing that filled the hole in my soul. And the one thing that my heart and Inner Being wholly approved of.

I felt it in my gut and I knew it in the deepest parts of my brain. Heart soared to the highest peak and remained there only to get ready to fly even further every time I picked up my camera. My inner being said, THIS IS IT.

But then I was at the cross road. Do you take the road well-know to you or the one that is absolutely unknown?

You take the unknown road you either walk into your final destination or perish half way through trying to make it.
You take the well-known path you will reach your destination, but you will always wonder about the missed road.

So there I was at the cross road asking myself: Isn’t it too late in life to start from scratch? Is it wise to throw years of one’s life, experiences, successes, a career built with care to follow your heart – wouldn’t it be a waste of half of my life?

And the inner being said why should it be a waste? All those years were meant to happen –it was preparing you for this precise moment. The moment that has arrived, not a minute early or late, but just right.

And so, I chose the narrow path. And what a journey it has been so far –amazing! If I perish before reaching my destination I will do so with a smile on my face.

I still write and make films. But with greater joy and greater appreciation of the craft. Because I know that’s what led me to my true calling.

DAY 39 - LIGHT TRAILS

One advice that I hold on to with my dear life is this:

When things are not going your way or when you are in the middle of a mind boggling problem or when everything is a mess -there is a surefire way to get out of it.
Rampage of appreciation. Look at something in your immediate environment, something that you like or something that evokes even a whiff of a positive feeling in you and focus on that.

Slowly,you will realise that you not so angry any more, or you are not so confused any more. You might still be in the middle of the problem that's nagging you, but at least now you are in a better position to find a solution than before when you were so blinded by fury or confusion.

And if you are unable to focus on something, just get out and do something fun and silly with no agenda.

And every time I put this into practice it worked. So much so, now it's become second nature to me.

These days, i go into Rampage of appreciation not because I have a problem or want to clear my head. But simply because I enjoy the feeling. It's wonderful.

This image, a trail of signboard lights, is a result of one such activity.

To others it might seem like a waste of time -"What does she hope to achieve by walking down MG Road at sunset and shooting lights? It's not like as if she is doing it for a client and she is getting paid for it....then why the heck is she wasting petrol, driving all the way to MG Road to shoot some lights?"

Very, very valid point.

However, the amount of fun I had just shooting those lights put me on a different plane where everything that I saw instilled in me a sense of joy and appreciation.

At the end of the hour every fiber in me was filled with positive energy.

What did I do? I drove straight back home. Sat in front of the computer and finished the article that was really troubling me for the last week or so. An article that I would get stuck in and not move forward every time I sat in front of the computer.

With my head all clear and my heart filled with joy I finished the `troublesome' piece in 30 mts flat.That is the power of Rampage of Appreciation!

Even if its just shooting some billboard lights!

Day 37 - Perspective

What is good and what is bad? What is art and what is not? Who is a photographer and who is a photo artist? What is beautiful and what is ugly? And who decides what is what?

Everyone. That’s who.
Perspective. It’s all about perspective.

What I find beautiful might not be so in your eyes. But does that mean that that particular thing is not beautiful?

What I look as art might be kitsch for you. But does that mean kitsch is not art? Or does that mean that the person who created Kitsch is not a creative person or a thinking person? Not all.

It is all about interpretation and perspective. And each one’s interpretations and perspective is right for its owner.

Does that mean we have to accept that everything is right when we feel it is not? You cannot do that as long as you are alive.

Humans are born with what I call the looking-gene or perspective. Which means there is no way you are going to always accept the way I look at things or vice versa.
It would suffice if we can accept the fact that there are many interpretations, many perspectives and many different ways of looking at things. And all are right –from the individual’s point of view.

And there is just one requirement to do that –Openness.

This image is one of the traffic lights in front of Cubbon Park in Bangalore. I shot it a few minutes after sunset, while waiting for the signal to turn green. Hundreds of people see this traffic light everyday (or rather don’t see it). But this is the way I SEE IT.

Does that mean I am wrong in my `seeing’ and all the others are right? Or those others are somehow plebian in their `seeing’ because I was able to see it differently? Of course not.

I am right and so are the others. And irrespective of how we all see it –the traffic light remains. But the beauty of it is that, the traffic light lends itself to different interpretations and not bothered about any interpretation but just carries on being. If only I could achieve that zen-ness!

DAY 36 - LOYAL FRIEND

I came across this little lady on the sidewalk yesterday.

Though i stopped my car close to her and was clicking her picture she was unperturbed. she was aware of my presence. In fact she was very aware of all that was happening around her. But never once did she take her eyes of whatever that she was guarding.

I was curious. What was she guarding so intensely that she refused to take her eyes off it?

It turned out to be a locked up, dilapidated, tin-mobile shop. I guess the owner was on leave. And I also presumed that the dog belonged to the owner.

On closer scrutiny I discovered that there was some kind of vehicle inside the tin shop. Only the wheels were visible. And it was this that the dog was guarding.

I waited for around 10-15 mts. And she never once took her eyes off her target. Unquestioned loyalty. 100% responsible for the task given -even when the owner was not around. WOW!

Such loyalty! And I thought, if only we had one such loyal person in our lives -we'd be the luckiest on this earth. Unquestioned loyalty and love.

And as I was driving back realization dawned. I'm sure the four legged friend didn't say to herself -if only I had one loyal friend, my life would be set. Instead she said to herself (I think. Or it might be in her genes) I WILL be the most loyal friend no matter what happens, no matter who is around or not, no matter whether I have one or not....

Mmmm...now that's something to think about.

DAY 35 - 10 MINUTE MEN

They are like two minute maggie noodles. I call them the 2 minute-builders. Well, actually they take a little more than 2 minutes to build a house. They take 8-10 mts to build a home. Yes, I timed them.

I also call them floating builders. They are men and women from far flung villages and little towns who have come to the city in search of work. And they invariably land up at construction sites. Sometimes you will see entire families -husband, wife, children, father, mother et al working at these construction sites.

They usually stay in some vacant plot of land a few feet away from their work site.

These are men and women who spend large part of their lives building mansions for others. `Others' who have spent sleepless nights, toiling over, making money to build that mansion and then spend some more sleepless nights to get the various sanctions to build that mansion.

Ask anyone and they will tell you it is not easy to build a house.

But ask these two-minute-floating builders and they will say nothing -they will just smile.

For they build their homes with bamboo sticks and blue tarpaulin sheets and various other plastic sheets in under 10 minutes.

And then the entire family moves in. They stay in that home for the duration of their work and then they move to the next construction site with their families, bamboo sticks and plastic sheets -to build their next home.

And under this 10-minute home they build families, they fight, they laugh, they make love, have babies, babies grow into adults and adults grow into old men and women. In this 10-mt home they are happy, sad, frustrated, angry, hopeful and smiling. They are just like the rest of us in our big and small mansions.

It looks like you can be happy and sad in a 10 mt house as much as in a 10-year-10-crore house.

The only difference being these people get to carry their homes wherever they go.

If you want it, life can actually be simple you know!

However, I am like the rest of the world -i like my life complicated with its shower and an extra bedroom and wooden flooring....:)

DAY 34 - Finding ourselves in the dark

Nowadays we have regular power cuts in Bangalore. Last night was no different.

However, these days I don't blow a fuse when there is no electricity. I have learnt to keep myself busy during the `dark' hours. I love shooting pics in candlelight. Those long exposures give some amazing results.

But it is only yesterday that I also noticed another advantage of the power crisis. Mom and I talk. Not that we don't talk at other times. But talking in the dark (or say with just a candle around) is different.

Usually the evenings are spent with me working in my study and mom watching her weepy Asianet soaps. By the time she is ready to go to bed I am neck deep in work and I know she feels guilty about disturbing me. So the day ends with much love but very little by way of conversation and spending quality time together.

These power cuts have helped rectify that situation. I am forcibly taken away from my computer and study and there are no weepy serials to keep mom company. We still go about doing things in the candlelight, but somehow those are things that bring us together.

We usually end up in the kitchen with mom cooking dinner, as she is in this image, and I plonk myself next to her with my camera on a tripod trying to click long-exposure pics. And she tells me about her day, the neighbors and yeah the horrible villains in her favourite television serial. I tell her about my day, the pics that I took, and why she should stay still during a long-exposure...and she retorts: If I remain still for too long you will have to eat charred dosas. You decide what you want -burnt dosas or perfect photos....

Mundane conversations it might be. But extremely necessary....:)

DAY 33 - AGE IS A NUMBER AND A PICTURE

After being holed up in my house for ten days I went out on a long drive with my camera for company.

I usually like to go out around the 2 pm, when the light is harsh. During this time, if you underexpose by a stop or two you get lovely blue skies.

And by the time I return, it would be evening and the light would be golden, ideal for taking some beautiful pictures

Fifteen minutes into my journey I noticed a really old man on an equally old bicycle.

I didn’t pay much attention to him other than thinking, “Oh so sad, that ride must be killing him. Wish he could travel more comfortably at his age.”

Ten minutes later, I was parked on the side of the road and taking some pictures of something on the sidewalk.

And from the corner of my eyes I could see the old man pedaling past me.

This funny little catch-me-if-you-can-game went on for about 30 mts. And that’s when it hit me – the old man has been cycling for a really long time and together we have traveled quite a distance.

As the city gave way to quieter roads and lesser people on the roads and more greenery on the sides I saw a change in the old man.

Contrary to my belief that he must be tired and ruing his miserable life for having to pedal to work/home on a hot sunny day, he seemed to be enjoying it.

It was as if he was recollecting his younger days on the cycle.

That’s when another truth hit me.

Until he’s physically unwell, in his mind the old man will always think of himself as young.

You see, age doesn’t bother the person who is aging. It only bothers others –in this case me (oh poor old man, he’s got to ride a bicycle at this age-thinking).

In his head, he must feel like that young boy that he was years ago, riding his bicycle, whistling, and going zigzag on the road (I think I did see him do a little zigzag in front of my car)…he must be feeling young and invincible with the wind in his hair – which by the way was fluffy white –I’m sure it was not that color in his mind.

I was reminded of what writer Kamala Das had mentioned about age: “I don’t feel old. Only others around me feel that I am old. In my mind I don’t age. I always see myself as a young girl.”

How true! As you are aging you don’t think of yourself as old or as an old person.

In your mind you are always in young and invincible. (in my case I think I will always be 19), young and invincible.

It is only the others around you notice your age. You are reminded of your aging because others remind you with their actions and comments.

That is the reason for some their age hits them smack on their faces when some young lad calls them “aunty” OR "uncle" –because in his/her head they don't see themselves as an “aunty” or an "uncle".

I followed the old man for close to an hour. And he still hadn’t reached his destination.

Finally I had to turn around and let him be on his way.

This image will always remind me of the young man on a bicycle who reiterated the old adage age is just a number and an image in your head!

DAY 32 - The chase

Water and oil don't mix. But that doesn't mean that they cannot co-exist. In fact they do more than co-exist. When you discover the connection between the two you know you have hit the jackpot.

However, this image is not about two different elements complementing each other. To me it's about this beautiful journey that I have undertaken to discover the secret connection between the spiritual and material world.

For more than a decade I was the biggest rat in the rat race. Competitive, dog-with-a-bone-attitude, unnecessary-risk-taker, unhappy, opinionated and again fiercely competitive. I did get whatever I wanted in my career. I was at places and positions that I wanted to be. And if I wasn't somewhere then it was because of my own unwanting of it. However, no amount of success felt good once I achieved it.

Each and every success was cloaked in fear-of-the-future. The cloak was boldly embellished with `Will it last long?' `What if it is lost forever?' Will I have enough? What if I don't have enough? Why am I not getting it? What if I never will get it?' - Any one who is a rat in the rat race of life will identify with this cloak of mine. I wore it for a very long time. It was heavy and uncomfortable because it was unnatural.

But not anymore. I am not a rat anymore. Once I learnt to let go and let it be; once I understood the art of being satisfied with what IS and eager about what is COMING - I realized that I had opened the flood gates of abundance with utmost ease.

This image, a commercial assignment, is testimony to that. I no more chase. I merely enjoy. And things come to me.

Mmmm...if only I had known it some two decades ago! well, it's never too late :)

DAY 31 - NOT JUST LOOKING BUT SEEING

I'm truly grateful for the day I discovered photography. It's changed the way I live my life.

It's changed the way I look at things. It's taught me to SEE and not just LOOK at people, things, my environment and my life itself.

To others this might just be a mundane image of mundane everyday things in life. Until recently that was the case with me too.

If you come to think of it the objects in this image are actually very universal and a great leveler. Everyone has it. But we actually don't pay attention to it. And why should we? It's not going to change our lives or bring peace to the world.

The point is the so called mundane objects are not so mundane after all. They add color and dimension, rhythm and beauty to our life. And for the philosophical souls they even offer nuggets of life. But we don't pay attention to these subtle things in our lives, do we now?

That's where my camera comes in. It's taught me to see things -everything and everyone- as they should be seen! And appreciate it!

Since I have been housebound for the last few days, I was pottering around the house with my camera. That's when I chanced upon this amazing symmetry, rhythm, colors, texture offered by a few clothespin, and a couple of knotted clothesline on a rusted beam. Absolute beauty in its abstraction. Treat to the eyes. And all for free :)

DAY 30 - Rupees One hundred and one

It’s been a family tradition for as long as I can remember.

On the morning of the New Year, after her puja, mom would give me hundred and one rupees –and that’s how I would begin my New Year.

Twice a year this tradition would be followed in my house. Once on Vishu, the Malayali New Year ’s Day and on January 1st.

When I was younger the day would start with prasadam from the temple along with my mom’s Rs.101.
More than a decade ago I traded my Prasadam for a hot cup of coffee.

So, on January 1st, I begin my day with a cup of coffee and Rs.101 from my mom. Though I have been complaining about the amount not keeping in tune with inflation, I always looked forward to the hundred rupee note and a single one rupee coin.

Though I enjoyed this tradition immensely I never paid much attention to it.It’s only recently that this tradition has gained significance in my life.

For one it helps me to create and preserve beautiful memories of my family.

I have also realized that that single hundred rupee note contains immense blessings and wishes –something only a parent can give a child. Untainted, pure, positive energy.

Above all in our world we do find it difficult to express our feelings towards others, I think that’s when traditions like this helps fill the gap.

My mother might not expressly say how much she loves me and wishes the world for me 24/7. Instead that notes says it for her.

I look at that note and I see a woman who for years have woken up at 3 am, had her bath, cooked a meal from scratch, lighted the lamp and went down on her knees seeking her God for all possible blessings for her child –and after an hour of negotiations and talks with her God- she would stand up on her creaking and painful knees, and remove that Rs.101 from her `God’s feet’ and would give it to me with a kiss, lots of love and only goodwill in her heart –something so pure that it can come only from a parent.

I might not believe in her approach or that the note has been blessed by her God personally. But I believe in HER belief and her love for me. And looking at that rupee note I feel that the coming year would be fantastic.

It might not be rational thinking. But I have begun to understand that traditions usually don’t appeal to the mind, it targets the heart!

And when it does, it feels good. And anything that feels that good can’t be wrong.

This image would be very special to me till the end because it is for the first time that I have captured my mom giving me Rs.101 -captured for posterity :)